Authentic (first published 6/1/13)

(My first 6 blog posts were somehow erased. I have no idea how. For those who are interested, I am re-publishing them now. I will create a brand new post later this week)IMG_0468
My brother married the love of his life today. She has three children, he has one. The children were in the wedding. My nieces looked beautiful as did my new sister in-law. My little nephew cried as he stood up and gave a speech about how much he loves my brother and how glad he is that he is his step father. My sister in-law’s brother gave her away. His son was precious in his little three piece suit. My mother looked beautiful! She was beaming the entire day. I saw my cousin and his family. I adore his wife and their children. I met my sister in-law’s aunt’s and her grand mother. We ate cake, danced, and took a lot of pictures. A lovely time was had by all.
As usual, I was the only adult present with out children. And I am divorced. Interestingly, I came across a really good photo of myself and my ex-husband earlier this morning while I was searching for a paper I had written for a class last term. I do not believe in coincidences All of these events caused me to reflect on my current life. I started to think about my life with out children. In my current life, I am in an amazing relationship with a wonderful man. I am not sure if he will ever ask me to marry him. I am not sure if it is necessary. I am happy in the life we share. We can do whatever we choose. We can stay up late, make love in the middle of the day, have two date nights a week. Although we have made purchases together, we do not share a bank account. We rarely have disagreements. In addition to running my business, I am attending college full time. I made the president’s list recently due to the fact that I have maintained a high grade point average. I am not sure if I would be as happy with my boyfriend if we combined our finances the way married couples do. I am certain I would not be able to run a business and be a full time student if I were a mother. When I was with my ex husband, I wanted us to have a ”normal life”. I wanted for us to own our own home and be parents. I wanted the picture of what I imagined our life would be so badly that I ached deep within in my heart to have it. A ”normal” life was not meant to be mine. However, I believe I am leading a good life. Yesterday, I was listening to The Moth on NPR. On the program, Edgar Oliver was being interviewed after he told a story about his incredibly unusual childhood. The interviewer asked him about his decision to lead an authentic life instead of trying to achieve the life style that most people have. He remarked that he didn’t think about it. It was simply his way of being. I like that answer. Perhaps that is true for all of us. I certainly hope it is true of me.
http://themoth.org/posts/storytellers/edgar-oliver

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