(My first 6 blog posts were somehow erased. I have no idea how. For those who are interested, I am re-publishing them now. I will create a brand new post later this week)
Recently I have been pondering how much of me ever wanting children was social conditioning. When I was in my twenties I always thought that I didn’t want children although I adored them. However, when I got married, I decided I did. When I told people I was married they would always ask me when we were going to have kids. Always. My mother never put any kind of pressure on me. She always encouraged me to do whatever made me happy. However, almost all of my toys that were available for my parents to buy for me involved babies, cooking, or housekeeping.
I will admit that a part of being married and wanting children with my ex-husband was a desire to “fit in” and be “normal”. However, wanting a baby was such a strong desire. I have never wanted anything so badly. And recovering from not getting to be a mother has been the most difficult challenge of my life thus far. Yet, I wonder, how much of it was social conditioning? Or was it some deep, instinct? Or perhaps a little of both. I would really like to know what you think.