My darling and I recently reconciled. I know that it is the right and best life decision that I could have made. As I said before, he is wonderful. He is willing to what it takes to correct the mistakes of the past. He does not hold the past againest me. These are rare qualities in a human being.
The process of taking a hiatus from my relationship has caused me to take a deep look my baggage. It has caused me to take a deep look at how I want to live my life. One of the things that I found still stuffed deep into the bottom of my bag, was my fear of repeating the same patterns from past realtionships. I had a deep fear of being victimized and taken advantage of. Being with abusive men is a big part of my past. After my divorce, I realized my husband had been verbally and emotionally abusing me during our entire marriage. When the debris of the end of my marriage settled, I decided that I would not ever allow myself to be abused in any way ever again. I worked on my issues. I put up a wall. I made sure it was guarded at all times. However, I forgot to trust my higher power, myself and my intuition. I did not give myself credit for all of the work I had done to heal. I did not trust that my higher power (whom I chose to call Kwan Yin) had my back. The break in my relationship caused me to connect more deeply with Kwan Yin. In doing so, I began to understand that I can relax. She is with me. I can trust my intuition to guide me because she is speaking to me through my intuition.
I have come to the conclusion that I must let go of life. I can not live a guarded life. Nor do I want to anymore. I want to live with an open heart loving fully and completly. I am terrified to do this!!! But, I think its worth the risk.