When I decided to let go of the dream of motherhood I was tired. I was tired of grieving the loss of a person who had never existed. I was tired of searching for someone who understood what I was experiencing. Most of all, I was tired of spending so much of my time being depressed. I was unclear about a lot of things but there was one thing that I was very clear about: I was not given this precious gift of life to be miserable.
When I decided to let go, I prayed to my higher power, who is Kwan Yin the mother of mercy and compassion, every day. I gave her my sorrow and I waited for what she had in store. What unfolded was extraordinary.
Some other spiritual work that I had been doing led me to a woman who had experienced infertility for years before she was finally able to conceive her son. I found Lisa Manterfield and her amazing web site and book. I took the Road Map to Healing course that she offered.
Lisa describes exactly what it is like to let go of the dream.
I cannot begin to describe how it felt to know that there were other women who shared my experience. I was not alone.
My healing journey gave me some insights:
1) There are a lot of women who are childless in the world.
2) Society places a great deal of pressure on women to be wives, mothers, and successful in a career.
3) This pressure is a huge problem for women. It causes women to feel as if they can never measure up.
4) Women have to decide for themselves what their value is. Society’s “norm” is unrealistic for many women.
I have decided that my value lies in my ability to be of service to others, in my writing, and in living an authentic life. It may not be a “normal” life but, it is mine!