With Mother’s Day happening tomorrow, I find myself wondering if it is possible to go from being childless not by choice to being childless by choice. Lately, I find myself feeling grateful that I do not have to share my time with a child. I enjoy being free to pursue my interests and ambitions as I choose. Sometimes, I feel like I am childless by choice.
However, sometimes the old pain of being childless blind sides me. For example, when I recently watched the scene in Noah when Ila (Emma Watson) is miraculously healed of her infertility when Methuselah (Anthony Hopkins) lays his hands on her tummy I lost it. That scene messed with me for two days after I saw it. Even though it was only a movie I kept thinking: “Why her and not me?”
Ila is healed by Methuselah in Noah
That indeed is the question. However, I think I am becoming uninterested in the answer.
Recently at dinner some of my friends were discussing their plans for Mother’s Day. I asked my friend, who happens to be childless, if Mother’s Day ever messed with her. She said: “No. I am here for a greater purpose.” I believe this is true for me. I do not think a child would fit into my life at all at this point. I also cannot imagine attending elementary school functions in my 50’s.
Today, I will celebrate my second annual Not a Mother Day by giving myself some much needed time to work on a writing project that is not related to my school work. I cannot think of a better gift. Writing is my calling. It is my joy. I believe it is a part of my greater purpose.
Let me know what you think.
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