I’ve recently ended my six year relationship. No, it is not the first time we have broken up. However, this time let’s just say that I saw some things that I couldn’t un-see. This time working it out was not something I could not do. For the most part, it was a wonderful relationship. He is a wonderful person. But, the lows were just too low. And my life will pass so quickly the way everyone’s does. I am not willing to spend it working on something that will never be right no matter how hard I try.
It has been tremendously difficult. On most days I feel as if my body is filled with led and I have to force myself to get out of bed. I really do love him.
Breaking up is not easy
As difficult as it has been, this breakup has caused me to reevaluate my life and what my priorities are. In order to be in this relationship I have compromised truths about myself. The sad thing is he never asked me too. I did it willingly. I did the same thing in my marriage. I also devoted a great deal of my time to him, us, we. I often neglected my other relationships in order to meet the demands of spending time with him.
I am no longer willing to compromise my truths in order to “fit” with a romantic partner. I am no longer willing to tolerate intolerance, narrow-mindedness, self-centeredness, or demands on my time.
For a good long while I need to focus on getting a job in my field, spending time with my family, spending time with my friends, and writing my book. I want no dates, no flirting, no “what if we….” I want to be on my own.
There are some truths about myself that I am coming to terms with. I need to become who I am meant to be. Perhaps I will become comfortable with being a single, childless, middle-aged woman. Perhaps I will become completely content.