The truth is coming out

PrintThe truth is coming out

Since my recent breakup, I struggle with living in the world. It’s as if I am watching someone else live my life. And then there’s the whole not wanting to get out of bed thing. However, I get up every day. I run my business and search for a job in my field (I completed a bachelor’s in Communications last year). I spend time with my friends and family. I don’t give in to the insistent urge to stay in bed with the curtains drawn.  

In the midst of the struggle new truths are being revealed to me. And old truths that I have long hidden from the world surface, refusing to lay dormant any longer. I’m not sure if I believe everything “happens for a reason”. What I know is this: sometimes the foundation of your life must crumble in order for new things to be born. When this happens, things get really real, really fast. When the foundation crumbles the truth will come out.

New truths:

  • I have chosen all of my romantic partners based on their interest in me. I liked the attention so much that I based relationships on it!
  • I jumped into all of my relationships very quickly. I’ve never simply dated. One evening I’m spending the night with someone and a short time later we are living together. I then spend the relationship getting to know them and struggling to make it work.
  • I have participated in both of the above behaviors based on low self-esteem and wanting someone else to “fill” a void in me.
  •  I no longer suffer from low self-esteem and the “void” has been filled by my spiritual path.

Old truths

  • I am bisexual. This has been my deepest secret. I have hidden this from all but a few close friends since I was in my late teens. I have been deeply afraid of losing people that I love. I am terrified of losing my family. It has been very easy to “pass as straight” since my last two long term relationships were with men. However, now that the foundation in my life has crumbled, I can no longer suppress nor hide my truth in order to “fit” with someone else’s ideals. I do not write this to be provocative. I do not want to date anyone for a long time!  I am simply sick of pretending. I hope I can be accepted even if I am not understood.

There are a lot of myths in both the heterosexual  & the LBGT community. Liz busts those myths!

  •  I am an open minded, peace loving, equal rights Buddhist. I love everybody! I find intolerance of any kind soul crushing. I die a little if I spend a lot of time with someone who is intolerant of those who are different from them. I am no longer able to compromise my values in order to “fit”. I do accept that others have different opinions and beliefs from me. However, when they are intolerant of others I now have to love them from a distance and keep them in my prayers.

I sincerely hope that in revealing these truths someone out there will gain something they need from my experience. I hope it encourages someone to live their truth. After all, if my experience can’t help someone else then what is it for?

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3 thoughts on “The truth is coming out

  1. Hi Geneva, sorry for your pain and suffering and attachments. I do like to hear that you feel like your someone else watching your life. That is staying in the awareness and being the one that knows. That is were you will find the truth. When one is staying in the moment and watching as if a third person one sees with greater clarity. This is some samadhi that buddhists work to achieve and is extremely difficult to stay in a continuing awareness. I hope your able to come to a happier existence through this inevitable experience. Know that you will grow and end up a much happier full filled person. The pain outright sucks though, right? Sending you compassion and love. Take care, Lynn

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  2. Pingback: Learning To Believe It The First Time | My Beautiful Life

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