#metoo Warning: this may offend you.

#metoo

#metoo may seem like a tag line, annoyance, or a trend that has over stayed it’s welcome.

A female friend said to me a few months ago: “I think this #metoo thing has gotten out of hand!”

I disagree.

It has caused the world at large to finally hear to women.

I don’t know a single woman who hasn’t been assaulted, abused, harassed, or raped at the hands of men.

The first time it happened to me: I was 14 and the father of a child my Mother baby sat told me on numerous occasions about how beautiful I was. He would sit beside me on the floor while I was playing with his son and my little brother. He did this  while the of the other adults were there to pick up their children. He would sit close to me, smelling like stale cigarettes. My skin would crawl. Something about it made me feel dirty and ashamed. I have never told anyone about it until right now.

The second time it happened it happened to me: I was 14 or 15. My family and I were really good friends with the young couple and their precious little girl who lived across the street.  The husband, Mike and I would talk about science fiction and horror movies sitting on the tailgate of his truck drinking sodas. I would tell him about the problems I had at school and he would tell me about hunting with his dad as a child. I saw him as a big brother or Dad (My father died when I was 10 & my brother was 6 months old).  I ate dinner with his family. I baby sat his daughter. My mother adored Mike, his wife, and his daughter. Mike’s wife had a very complicated pregnancy with their second child.  One summer night she had to be transported via ambulance to the hospital. I rode with Mike behind the siren and flashing lights.

When we arrived, he was crying and told me he was scared. I hugged him.  He then proceeded to violently grab me and force me against the passenger side door. I was completely terrified! I screamed “Stop Mike! No!” I remember his breath smelling of stale booze and the way his rough hand felt touching my still developing breast. He was really strong! I pushed, and begged him to stop. He didn’t. But I finally managed to open the passenger door and fall out of the truck, on to the pavement. I slammed the door and went as fast as I could into the emergency room while he begged me not to tell anyone. Luckily, my friend and her boyfriend were already there waiting for us and I rode home with them. I told my friend and her boyfriend about it. My friend said: “He’s been drink’n as if that explained everything. I never set foot in Mike’s yard or his home ever again.

I was raped when I was 18. I was an active alcoholic at the time. I was passed out drunk. I woke up to my boyfriend whom I lived with raping me. I could hear the other people partying in our living room. I called out for help. He said: “Shut up no one can hear you.” I was confused about what happened. When I confronted him the next day he laughed at me and said he did it all of the time when I was passed out. He said it wasn’t rape because he was my boyfriend. I told a woman that I didn’t know very well what happened to gage her reaction. I told her it had happened to a “friend” of mine I remember her saying that it wasn’t rape because he was my “friend’s” boyfriend.  She said my “friend” had been taken advantage of because she had been passed out. I didn’t talk about it again. I figured it was my fault because I was drunk. Years later, I told a therapist about what had happened and she told me I had defiantly been raped.

I have been groped, cat called at, or had inappropriate comments made to me at almost every job I have ever had.

REALLY.

At one job right out of college, I reported my boss leaning over my desk to stare at my boobs to the human resources person. She told me to ignore him that he did it to everybody. I then called the department of labor and told them what happened. They told me there was nothing they could do unless he touched me.

The last time I was harassed at a job I stood up for myself. I told the perpetrator that it was harassment, it was inappropriate and that I wanted no part of it. I told him “Leave me alone. I won’t say it twice.” He complied.

No, I didn’t report it to human resources. At that point, experience had taught me that I would be ignored.

I have over heard friends and co-workers talking about the recent Bill Cosby verdict.

I have over heard both men and women saying: “I don’t believe that!” Why would these women wait thirty years?” “They all want money!” “I don’t believe he did everything they’re saying he did but I believe he did something.” “How can you even know what happened to you that long ago!” “It’s so sad everybody loves him!”

What I find the most interesting is this: NOT ONCE DID I OVER HEAR ANYONE,MAN OR WOMAN SPEAK ANY WORDS OF CONCERN ABOUT THE VICTIMS.

When the truth about the sexual abuse of male children in the Catholic church came out, not once did I hear anyone remark that the men who came forward waited too long to tell truth about what happened to them.

And everyone was talking about the victims.

Men made allegations of sexual harassment and assault against Kevin Spacy and he was fired from his hit Netflix show immediately.

Sixty women accused Cosby of drugging and raping them before he was brought to trial.

The reality is that society listens to men and not to women.

Even other women don’t believe other women when they come forward after they have been sexually assaulted.

Brett Kavanaugh’s confirmation to the Supreme Court proves that.

One thing I can tell you is this: Christine Blasey Ford isn’t a liar. YOU DO NOT FORGET BEING SEXUALLY ASSAULTED. IT BURNS ITSELF INTO YOUR BEING. IT STAYS WITH YOU FOR LIFE. And you remember who did it. 

Women: stop pandering to men to make living in their world ok. Create your own world. Create a world in which you speak your truth and believe your sisters when they speak theirs.

Men: let women have this moment in time. Step aside. It is our time. Let us have this. 

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s