Freedom

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Due to the fact that today is Independence Day, I find myself thinking about freedom. I have been in the process of becoming freer over the past few months. I have been accepting life as it is more. And allowing myself to be who I am, thus facing my BIG fear of being rejected by the people I love. I am finding that my fear is unwarranted.

The more I live my truth, accept and love myself I am able to love others deeply and without reservation. I am losing interest in judging others. This does not mean that I do things perfectly. I make mistakes daily!

What it does mean : I am able to love others as they are because I am finally able to love myself as I am.

Buddha said: “The price of freedom is simply choosing to be, liberation is in the mind.”

True freedom is of our own making.

People reject other people and hate them because they cannot love and accept themselves completely. This is the most hidden of truths.

Just for today, I encourage everyone to accept yourself in all of your magnificence! Make no room in your heart for hate. Allow yourself to be free!

Happy 4th of July to all!

 

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Peace is a Commitment.

quote-nonviolence-means-avoiding-not-only-external-physical-violence-but-also-internal-violence-martin-luther-king-15-90-33 Over the past few weeks I have come to realize that peace is a commitment. I made a decision to give my will and my life to the care of a power greater than myself more than a decade ago. And I am a Buddhist. Therefore, non-violence and peace are the principles that I want to practice.

It has been easy to keep my commitment to peace when life is normal and all is well. However, I have given up my commitment at the drop of a hat on many occasions when people “don’t act right” or “everything goes wrong”.

In other words: when it’s convenient I keep my commitment to my principals.

However, I have realized that I must keep my commitment even when it is difficult. 

Not doing so is like saying “Oh I’m not going to drink anymore but I’m still going to the bar every night.”

Martin Luther King Jr. said that Nonviolence means avoiding not only external physical violence but also internal violence of spirit.

It’s an inside job.

And if I am truly going to remain open I cannot fight against anything or anyone. I have to accept what comes and feel what I feel about it without trying to make it be something that it isn’t. If something or someone is not good for me I simply need to walk away instead of attempting to bend it or them to my will.

This doesn’t mean that I’m achieving saint hood or that I think I’m better than anyone else.

Honestly, I’m just tired of fighting. My inner peace means too much.

 

2016 : What’s Out & What’s In

Last Week after the Burning Bowl Ceremony I had a powerful realization for 2016

The Buddha said that all suffering is caused by self-grasping. It has recently occurred to me that my grasping and striving is entirely the problem. Honestly, what have I been doing all of these years if not trying to achieve some goal or obtain some life style in order to complete myself thus growing my ego?

For 2016 I have make no resolutions, no goals, no plans. I am simply going to remain open. However, I am a big believer in starting any new year from the mind set of Out with the Old, In with the New. Here’s my list of what’s Out and what’s In for 2016:

Out

Expectations

Pushing down the truth and ignoring the guidance I am being given

Hiding my bisexuality

Being ashamed of how others see me

Placing so much importance on how others see me

People who take more than they give

Jumping into bed and making a relationship out of it

Negative people

Accepting intolerant people

Attachment to out comes

Complaining

Talking about my break up

Being afraid that I will not get a job in my field

Letting go of who I think I’m supposed to be and how my life is supposed to be

Self-grasping in order to grow my ego

In

Being on my own and not in a relationship or dating

Having a deeper relationship with my Goddesses (Kwan Yin & Green Tara)

Being proud of my sexuality

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Writing

Following the guidance of my Kwan Yin & Green Tara

Following my intuition

Allowing people to be who they are without trying to change them

Letting go of people that are unkind and intolerant

Speaking and thinking positively

Spending a lot of time with the people I love

Traveling more even if it is only a day trip and not an elaborate vacation

Completely letting go and trusting my Goddesses to connect me with a job where I can be of maximum service in the right way and in the right time

Being who I am and living the life I have been given with gratitude

Getting out of the way and allowing my Goddesses to lead

Believing who people are when they show me the first time

This year, I really hope that all of you find peace and love each day. Remember that we are all in this together. At the end of it all when we lay down for that final long sleep, we will not remember the jobs we had or the houses we bought. We will remember the people we have loved and how we treated them.

The truth is coming out

PrintThe truth is coming out

Since my recent breakup, I struggle with living in the world. It’s as if I am watching someone else live my life. And then there’s the whole not wanting to get out of bed thing. However, I get up every day. I run my business and search for a job in my field (I completed a bachelor’s in Communications last year). I spend time with my friends and family. I don’t give in to the insistent urge to stay in bed with the curtains drawn.  

In the midst of the struggle new truths are being revealed to me. And old truths that I have long hidden from the world surface, refusing to lay dormant any longer. I’m not sure if I believe everything “happens for a reason”. What I know is this: sometimes the foundation of your life must crumble in order for new things to be born. When this happens, things get really real, really fast. When the foundation crumbles the truth will come out.

New truths:

  • I have chosen all of my romantic partners based on their interest in me. I liked the attention so much that I based relationships on it!
  • I jumped into all of my relationships very quickly. I’ve never simply dated. One evening I’m spending the night with someone and a short time later we are living together. I then spend the relationship getting to know them and struggling to make it work.
  • I have participated in both of the above behaviors based on low self-esteem and wanting someone else to “fill” a void in me.
  •  I no longer suffer from low self-esteem and the “void” has been filled by my spiritual path.

Old truths

  • I am bisexual. This has been my deepest secret. I have hidden this from all but a few close friends since I was in my late teens. I have been deeply afraid of losing people that I love. I am terrified of losing my family. It has been very easy to “pass as straight” since my last two long term relationships were with men. However, now that the foundation in my life has crumbled, I can no longer suppress nor hide my truth in order to “fit” with someone else’s ideals. I do not write this to be provocative. I do not want to date anyone for a long time!  I am simply sick of pretending. I hope I can be accepted even if I am not understood.

There are a lot of myths in both the heterosexual  & the LBGT community. Liz busts those myths!

  •  I am an open minded, peace loving, equal rights Buddhist. I love everybody! I find intolerance of any kind soul crushing. I die a little if I spend a lot of time with someone who is intolerant of those who are different from them. I am no longer able to compromise my values in order to “fit”. I do accept that others have different opinions and beliefs from me. However, when they are intolerant of others I now have to love them from a distance and keep them in my prayers.

I sincerely hope that in revealing these truths someone out there will gain something they need from my experience. I hope it encourages someone to live their truth. After all, if my experience can’t help someone else then what is it for?

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2013: The Year of Transformation, 2014: No Expectations

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I will always remember 2013 as the Year of Transformation.  I learned and grew a lot last year.  I made it through my first year of college and maintained a 3.8 GPA!!!  I let go of the dream of becoming a mother officially.   I witnessed my brother marry the love of his life.  I went on a fabulous vacation with my darling on his motor cycle!  I put my beloved cat of 13 years, Mona to sleep after she was diagnosed with oral cancer.  I ended my relationship with my darling.  I started a new relationship with my darling that is deeper and more wonderful than I could have imagined!  I reconnected with friends from my present and from my past.  I feel as if I completed a cycle and began a new one.  I found a deep connection to my Goddess, Kwan Yin. 

I don’t make “New Year’s Resolutions”.  I gave that tradition up a decade ago.  However, I do think of the year that has past and I decide what I would like to be rid of in the New Year. 

These are the things I want to let go of in 2014:

Believing I am not good enough

Doubting that my higher power

Believing I am being victimized by others

Anger

Frustration

Fear

Being judgmental

Trying to control others

Self-doubt

Comparing myself to others

Self-centeredness

I have no expectations for 2014.  I simply hope to live life fully and make it to 2015!  My goal for the New Year is to be more loving and kind.  I want to be of service to others more often.  I want to see the world with my heart instead of my mind.  If I can live my life in such a way, I will live fully indeed!     

 

 

Letting Life Happen

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My darling and I recently reconciled.  I know that it is the right and best life decision that I could have made.  As I said before, he is wonderful.  He is willing to what it takes to correct the mistakes of the past.  He does not hold the past againest me.  These are rare qualities in a human being. 

The process of taking a hiatus from my relationship has caused me to take a deep look my baggage.  It has caused me to take a deep look at how I want to live my life.   One of the things that I found still stuffed deep into the bottom of my bag, was my fear of repeating the same patterns from past realtionships.  I had a deep fear of being victimized and taken advantage of.  Being with abusive men is a big part of my past.  After my divorce, I realized my husband had been verbally and emotionally abusing me during our entire marriage.   When the debris of the end of my marriage settled, I decided that I would not ever allow myself to be abused in any way ever again.  I worked on my issues.  I put up a wall.  I made sure it was guarded at all times.  However, I forgot to trust  my higher power, myself and my intuition.  I did not give myself credit for all of the work I had done to heal.  I did not trust that my higher power (whom I chose to call Kwan Yin) had my back.  The break in my relationship caused me to connect more deeply with Kwan Yin.  In doing so, I began to understand that I can relax.  She is with me.  I can trust my intuition to guide me because she is speaking to me through my intuition. 

I have come to the conclusion that I must let go of life.  I can not live a guarded life.  Nor do I want to anymore.  I want to live with an open heart loving fully and completly.  I am terrified to do this!!!  But, I think its worth the risk.  

Regression, progression

IMG_0957I recently under went a group past life regression with Joanne DiMaggio.  Even before I discovered Buddhism I believed very strongly in reincarnation.  Going into the group session, I had no doubts to over come.  I also did not have any expectations.  I prayed before I went in, giving my the experience to my higher power.  What I experienced is to personal for me to share in such a public way.  I will not share the details.  However, I feel compelled to share about an insight that I had.  After the group regression, I realized that I had carried deep depression, self loathing (especially of my body) grief and anxiety with me for life times.  Literally. It took me a couple of weeks to truly process what I experienced. Once I finished processing my past life regression experience, I realized that I simply can not waste another moment of my life loathing myself, stressing out, wallowing in depression (which I have cut way back on even before this experience), living in fear or regret. I do understand that hard things will happen. In fact, I have had my normal share of problems in the weeks following my experience. However, when I feel the stress or the self loathing coming on I stop myself. I remember that I have already wasted an entire life time. I feel my feelings and I let them pass. I am able to do this not because I have suddenly evolved into some sort of saint or guru. I am able to do this because I finally understand that time is fleeting. I finally get that I may not have time to heal or figure it out. I have to live in peace, embrace joy, let people be who they are, and be alright with things as they are even when I don’t like it.

I am sure this sounds really flaky to some of you. But that’s o.k. I no longer have time to waste worrying about weather or not others approve of my experience in life. Even if you think I’m a flake, I want you to consider your own internal struggles. Are these struggles really worth your time?