2014: The Year of Awesome!

selfishbitch[1]

I honestly feel that 2014 was the best year of my life thus far. Of course, there were many challenges. The year began with:
A dear friend being hospitalized
My mother breaking her ankle and me becoming her sole care giver while she bravely recovered
My father/brother/friend of 12 years dying from cancer

Yet, I did not “go to the dark side”. I took the advice of the woman I do spiritual work with and I delved deeper into my spirituality. I started meditating upon awaking in the morning. This act alone has changed my life in the most profound ways.
I also accomplished:
Earning my green sash in Kung Fu
Completing my bachelor’s degree in Communications with a Concentration in Professional Writing

I will graduate with honors.
I also feel like my relationships have become stronger. I don’t take things personally nearly as often. I love my darling John more deeply every day. I am able to allow him to be who he is without wanting him to be any other way.
While John and I were driving home from celebrating a friend’s birthday this evening I was struck by how profoundly happy I am. I had an epiphany: I could not have the serenity that I have or the relationships that I have currently without the experience of losing my marriage and not getting to have a child. This truth reaches deep into my core.
That does not mean that I do not still cry or feel an emptiness that only those who are childless by circumstance can understand at times. On the other hand, I can honestly say that I do not want that life anymore. There is no room in my life for a child. However, I would marry John if he asked:)

Have I become childless by choice? Or am I still childless by circumstance?

The answer is: I am both. I will forever grieve the child I did not have and I am grateful that my life is mine to live as I choose without the burden of taking care of a little person.

Life Without Baby founder Lisa Manterfield interview’s Gateway Women founder Jody Day

Jody says her grief has made her heart bigger

I have learned that nothing in this world fits neatly into a category least of all feelings. Life is a great paradox.
I have no idea what 2015 will bring. I no longer have a plan. I hope to find a job in my field, finish the rough draft of the first book in the trilogy I am writing, and spend a lot more time with my loved ones. At the age of 46, my life is just beginning.
I hope everyone has a year filled with blessings and joy!

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The Quality of Your Questions

Jody Day is the creator of Gateway Women which in as online community for women who are childless by circumstance.

“The quality of your answers is in direct proportion to the quality of your questions.” Albert Einstein
Parting ways with the dream of motherhood was a long process. I spent a lot of time cycling in and out of depression after my marriage of 13 years ended when I was 41. For two years I rode the merry-go-round of grief and loss. I would have periods of thinking I had been cheated somehow. I spent a lot of time asking “Why?” The problem with the “Why” question was that all it did was cause me to dwell on the old life that I had planned that didn’t work out. It caused me to stay stuck in despair. I stayed stuck until the day that I asked some different questions. One bright and sunny spring day, I was crying while I was driving to my next client of the day as I often did. Only, on this day I asked my goddess, whom is Kwan Yin, the questions that would change the course of my life. I asked: “If I don’t get to be a mother then what do I get? What is my life about?” Surely my life would have to be about something else. I was 43 when I asked these questions. I figured the next 40 years would have to be about something. I knew in that moment that I wanted a fabulous life that would be about creating a life that would not be possible if I had had a child.
Currently I am a full time student. While I love owning my own business, writing has always been my passion. And frankly, I’m pretty good at it. I decided to pursue a bachelor’s degree in Communications with a Concentration in Professional Writing full time. My plan is to make a living using my natural talent and my love of doing research. I am also writing a trilogy. I recently met with a woman who is going to help me self-publish and create outlines for each book. When I am not studying or working I like to spend time with my wonderful boyfriend. We love watching old episodes of Dark Shadows, staying up late, seeing movies in IMAX 3-D, and eating dinner out. I also meet up with some friends every week on Friday night for dinner at a local restaurant. I love to stay up late writing, doing my nails, and watching shows after my boyfriend has gone to bed. It is my “me” time!
If I were a mother, my life would not work. I doubt I would be able to pursue my degree or spend the small fortune that I do on restaurants and movies. I would not be in the amazing relationship I am in now. I would not have the energy to stay up late just because I want too. My time would not belong to me. My life as a “childless by circumstance” woman is a work in progress. I do my best every day to make it a fabulous life!